Lying on an open road

The trees speak to me, inviting me to be their friend. They say 'I'm here you can tell me everything' and I know they would, being around them makes me feel alive and heard. It's not crazy to feel like nature can be real, why is being crazy not normal? I think crazy is normal, and normal is crazy. I could talk about nature all day, the stillness of nature is so serene. I don't think it's easy for everyone to realise natures beauty or to even see it, that's the secret of nature it picks who it wants to see its beauty. I find happiness somewhere along the lines of the branches of trees. The green leaves, the wispy clouds and streamlined birds, i find happiness in pleasing my Lord, in being grateful to Him and being kind. I find happiness in the smiles of children, in their creases of laughter and their crazy musings, I think happiness can be found everywhere so long as you want it, you can get it. 

There was a time I thought happiness lied in love, in appreciation from another, maybe i still do, deep inside, maybe I'm not quite done with that perusal- I would have done anything to find that whether it was right or wrong, I still can't say without it conflicting in my head although i know i was only stretching into a vacuum, I suppose it's contradictory of me to say that. I justified it yet I don't. Another struggle within myself, a Jihad.

Where would I be if I had continued with that mentality? Lying in the middle of an open road probably, waiting to be run over by the train that is reality, fortunately I got up from the road and the train went past barely touching me, am I still happy that I escaped? Maybe, maybe not.

In a way I don't regret being on that open road, I don't mind that I risked everything, because I chose it. Today I still wonder about it, about that fatal experience with reality. But I'm starting to come to terms with it, I do have a greater happiness now, but maybe I still wonder about that happiness that could have been. 

Wasalaam