Since Puberty Began

I always, since a long time ago, before I- actually before puberty would make no sense, so I am going to discard that and say before I even cared how I looked-I always wanted some attention, if not a lot (thumbs up for candour) from a certain crowd if you understand what I mean, and I hope you actually do, and dont take it for something else, as that would be weird and definitely not intended! 

So I always wanted it, and here and there I suppose I received a fair share, but over the years I got greedier, and my stomach did not get as full as it once did, I craved more and more, and I looked to those that had this desired attention and affection and whatever other word you associate with relationships 'insert here'. I can say for a long time I was able to, nay I say it like I had a choice. It's ingrained within me, good fate? Perhaps. 

...

I could not bring myself to uphold to the duties of a relationship, I could not speak on the phone, as it was bothersome and it made me feel silly and childish, I could not like someone for too long, 

    (because I don't think you are aware of how obsessive I am) 

I can't be in a relationship because ...(I turn mad.) ... I feel too guilty and unlike myself, so to put it simply I put it off for a long time. Until

The time came when I, silly of me really, forgot those valuable experiences, and tried once again to unleash the prowling stomach, what happened you say?

Well... it didn't make me feel happier, it made me feel like a piece of meat, in a store for half price. Sold to the nearest buyer. I felt stupid, and slightly worthless, why had I reduced myself to the words of an utter moron? And he was a moron, if you met him, you would think so too, trust me. His words were meaningless to me, infact they were insulting. 

It was silly but, I wanted to have what everyone else had, that someone. But having someone isn't very great, infact its tedious and annoying and slightly ridiculous. Well that's my experience with a moron it may be different with a normal human being, I do hope so.