I'm living in my fantasy

Why do I live in such distorted fantasies? Why is my mind in a fictional TV show, when I'm living my life in reality? Why do I want illusions when I have my dreams in front of me?

Am I sadistic?

Do I enjoy my own pain? Do I enjoy the broken hearted distopia of fantasy than reality? I am fully aware of how damaging it is to live in the clouds because so often you get knocked out of them and reality is not nice.

I suppose I'm a lot like Catherine from Northanger Abbey, constantly living in my fantasies looking for a story around the corner. But the reality is much like Catherine's, I am always disappointed or awakened however you see it.

Maybe there's a lack of excitement in my life, a lack of fruitful opportunities. 

Or maybe I just need to grow up. 

(I think it's the first one)